1 00:00:07,074 --> 00:00:08,373 Nanu-nanu. 2 00:00:19,636 --> 00:00:20,916 Shazbot! 3 00:01:21,649 --> 00:01:23,682 Okay... 4 00:01:23,717 --> 00:01:25,784 left foot on the blue dot. 5 00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,485 Look out! 6 00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:32,023 Oh... what happened? 7 00:01:33,828 --> 00:01:35,260 I'm sorry. 8 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:36,695 And Mork... 9 00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:39,481 I'm sorry I sat on your face. 10 00:01:39,516 --> 00:01:40,482 That's all right, Julius. 11 00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,561 I do it all the time. 12 00:01:41,585 --> 00:01:44,620 Okay? Great. Thanks. 13 00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:46,404 Are you all right? 14 00:01:46,439 --> 00:01:48,240 Sure. I love to play "Squash the Alien." 15 00:01:48,275 --> 00:01:49,424 Oh. 16 00:01:49,459 --> 00:01:50,887 Could you breathe down there? 17 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:52,994 Only out. 18 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,208 Well, I'm sorry all those people fell on you, Mork. 19 00:01:55,232 --> 00:01:57,110 Oh, that's a great game. Let's play another game 20 00:01:57,134 --> 00:01:58,578 like, "Musical Spikes" or "Hide and Go Kill." 21 00:01:58,602 --> 00:02:01,569 Ah, Why don't you just come out and say 22 00:02:01,605 --> 00:02:02,570 you don't want to play this silly game. 23 00:02:02,606 --> 00:02:03,705 I didn't want to be rude. 24 00:02:04,742 --> 00:02:07,542 Come on in. 25 00:02:07,577 --> 00:02:08,857 Okay, I'll spin again. 26 00:02:12,766 --> 00:02:15,350 Please... don't get up. 27 00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:18,953 They didn't come in that way, did they? 28 00:02:18,989 --> 00:02:22,324 That's obscene. 29 00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:25,393 It looks like a Christmas card from Hugh Hefner. 30 00:02:25,428 --> 00:02:26,394 It's just a game. 31 00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:28,541 See, they're not supposed to fall over. 32 00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:29,848 Oh? 33 00:02:29,884 --> 00:02:31,294 Left hand to blue... 34 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,187 Mr. Bickley, you can't just come in here 35 00:02:35,222 --> 00:02:37,433 and start shoving my guests around. 36 00:02:37,457 --> 00:02:38,690 You should at least ask first. 37 00:02:38,726 --> 00:02:41,993 Do you know what that sounds like downstairs? 38 00:02:42,029 --> 00:02:45,263 Like R2-D2 trying to do a soft-shoe. 39 00:02:46,817 --> 00:02:47,828 Oh, come on. 40 00:02:47,852 --> 00:02:49,746 We just started playing this game. 41 00:02:49,770 --> 00:02:52,237 And what trouble-maker is sucking ice into his mouth 42 00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,217 and spitting it back into an empty glass? 43 00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:55,690 Oh, sorry. 44 00:02:58,795 --> 00:03:01,462 And stop putting ice cubes in your drinks. 45 00:03:01,498 --> 00:03:02,831 You know what it's like 46 00:03:02,866 --> 00:03:05,466 being under 13 people all tinkling at once. 47 00:03:05,502 --> 00:03:07,402 I guess we'll have to try and be more quiet. 48 00:03:07,437 --> 00:03:09,621 Tell you what... we'll only play "spin the sock", 49 00:03:09,656 --> 00:03:11,317 and we'll replace our stereo needle with a Q-tip... 50 00:03:11,341 --> 00:03:12,652 and we'll only play charades wearing gloves. 51 00:03:12,676 --> 00:03:13,737 Shut up! 52 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:14,726 Thank you. 53 00:03:14,762 --> 00:03:16,161 Look, Mr. Bickley... 54 00:03:16,196 --> 00:03:18,108 look, I have just about had it... 55 00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,442 Hey, don't try to get cozy 56 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,032 with me, sweetie pie. 57 00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,167 I'm steamed. 58 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,802 And when I'm steamed, it's no more Mr. Wonderful. 59 00:03:24,838 --> 00:03:27,489 I have my rights and I'm not leaving here 60 00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:32,461 until there's no more dancing, singing, laughing, talking or bodily sounds. 61 00:03:32,496 --> 00:03:34,616 Oh, sorry. 62 00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:38,366 Look at that, it's 8:30 already. 63 00:03:38,402 --> 00:03:39,545 Well, we better be going... 64 00:03:39,569 --> 00:03:40,569 Wait a minute you guys. 65 00:03:40,603 --> 00:03:41,903 Don't let him scare you off. 66 00:03:41,938 --> 00:03:42,904 See you later. 67 00:03:42,939 --> 00:03:44,039 Oh, really... 68 00:03:44,074 --> 00:03:45,140 Come on, Julius... 69 00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:46,175 I'm sorry, Mindy. 70 00:03:46,210 --> 00:03:47,909 I have to go. 71 00:03:47,944 --> 00:03:49,744 I have a self-assertion class. 72 00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:53,898 I'm afraid if I'm late, they'll kill me. 73 00:03:53,933 --> 00:03:55,600 Come on, Julius. 74 00:03:55,635 --> 00:03:57,902 We'll get together again... real soon. 75 00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,271 Over my dead body. 76 00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:00,339 Hey, that's a great game. 77 00:04:00,374 --> 00:04:01,651 It takes a long time to play though 78 00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:03,075 and gets kind of gross near the end. 79 00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:07,357 Well, I hope you're happy. 80 00:04:07,381 --> 00:04:08,430 Everyone's gone. 81 00:04:08,465 --> 00:04:12,166 When it comes to parties, I'm the super pooper. 82 00:04:12,202 --> 00:04:13,779 Mr. Bickley, you are the worst... 83 00:04:13,803 --> 00:04:15,347 you are the most unreasonable... 84 00:04:15,371 --> 00:04:17,138 Don't forget cantankerous. 85 00:04:17,173 --> 00:04:19,107 That's on my business cards. 86 00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,759 Hey, what's this? 87 00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,404 A transistor noise-maker? 88 00:04:22,428 --> 00:04:24,540 No, no, no, no, see... That's a radio for deaf mutes. 89 00:04:24,564 --> 00:04:25,646 See? 90 00:04:25,682 --> 00:04:28,349 ♪ I love you more than you'll ever know... ♪ 91 00:04:29,253 --> 00:04:31,469 Turn it down. 92 00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:34,706 ♪ I love you more than you'll ever know... ♪ 93 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:36,802 I know what it is, Mr. Wiseacre. 94 00:04:36,826 --> 00:04:38,460 It's a pocket calculator. 95 00:04:38,495 --> 00:04:39,655 Big deal! 96 00:04:41,297 --> 00:04:43,999 Well, this is an incredibly boring party. 97 00:04:47,504 --> 00:04:48,681 You know, it's funny. 98 00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:50,367 When you're actually up here, 99 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:53,541 it's not so noisy. 100 00:04:53,576 --> 00:04:54,542 Whew, boy, am I glad 101 00:04:54,577 --> 00:04:56,188 he didn't start pushing any buttons 102 00:04:56,212 --> 00:04:57,195 on this Age Machine. 103 00:04:57,231 --> 00:04:58,813 Why? I think it would be funny 104 00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:01,015 seeing Bickley acting like a little kid. 105 00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:02,362 Except, he'd probably tell his mother 106 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:03,563 to put a muffler on his rattle. 107 00:05:03,587 --> 00:05:04,653 That's impossible. 108 00:05:04,688 --> 00:05:06,766 You see, only Orkans are affected by the Age Machine. 109 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:07,867 No matter who presses these buttons, 110 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:09,135 I'm the one who goes through the changes. 111 00:05:09,159 --> 00:05:10,837 Well then, you'd better put that in a safe place. 112 00:05:10,861 --> 00:05:12,093 Yeah, you're right. 113 00:05:12,129 --> 00:05:15,030 I sat on it once and became two ages at once. 114 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,648 That must've been terrible. 115 00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:18,649 Yeah, I became a Boy Scout 116 00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,063 and an octogenarian at the same time. 117 00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,247 I spent days helping myself across the street. 118 00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:31,379 Dad, Grandma, 119 00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:33,414 has anybody seen my Mindy necklace? 120 00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:35,528 Well, I don't think it's here anywhere, honey. 121 00:05:35,552 --> 00:05:36,534 Did you lose it? 122 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:38,636 Well, I-I took it off at my party last night 123 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:41,039 and when we were cleaning up, I couldn't find it. 124 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:43,586 It's my theory that it was sucked into a parallel universe. 125 00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:44,954 The same universe that socks go 126 00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,356 when you lose them in the dryer. 127 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:49,815 I bet that Jimmy Hoffa is wearing it right now. 128 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,878 Well, if you'll excuse me, 129 00:05:51,902 --> 00:05:53,713 I have a luncheon date. 130 00:05:53,737 --> 00:05:57,588 And I must go and spray myself with ♪ Charlie ♪. 131 00:05:59,509 --> 00:06:01,876 You know, I'd hate to think that somebody took it. 132 00:06:01,912 --> 00:06:03,245 It was just a cheap necklace. 133 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,147 I don't know why anybody would want it. 134 00:06:05,182 --> 00:06:06,209 All right, 135 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:08,933 let's use our powers of deductive reasoning. 136 00:06:08,969 --> 00:06:13,304 Whoever took it had to be named "Mindy". 137 00:06:13,339 --> 00:06:14,872 Now who at the party was named Mindy? 138 00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:16,786 All right, up against the wall, sister! 139 00:06:16,810 --> 00:06:18,087 Move it! Move it! Move it! 140 00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,611 Come on. This is serious. 141 00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,696 Why would I take my own necklace? 142 00:06:21,732 --> 00:06:23,831 The insurance? 143 00:06:23,867 --> 00:06:26,634 Why don't you call up everybody who was at the party 144 00:06:26,669 --> 00:06:28,686 and ask if they're a despicable thief? 145 00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:31,239 Boy, I hate to think it was taken by a friend. 146 00:06:31,274 --> 00:06:32,540 Hey, I've got an idea. 147 00:06:32,575 --> 00:06:33,558 I'll tell you what. 148 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:34,704 We'll go to Jamaica, get a gris-gris man, 149 00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,728 put de voodoo on it, man, 150 00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,575 wait till his arms fall off, then we know, man. 151 00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:41,566 We got him hands down, boys. 152 00:06:52,696 --> 00:06:53,995 Hello, Debbie Wilson? 153 00:06:54,030 --> 00:06:55,763 Yes, this is Mork. 154 00:06:55,799 --> 00:06:57,164 I'm a friend of Mindy's. 155 00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:59,312 Well, any friend of Mindy's is a friend of mine, too. 156 00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,670 Listen, did you steal Mindy's necklace? 157 00:07:02,706 --> 00:07:04,417 What? I don't know what that has 158 00:07:04,441 --> 00:07:05,540 to do with anything, 159 00:07:05,575 --> 00:07:08,643 but yes, I can blow it out my ear. 160 00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,545 No, I'm sorry, not raw. 161 00:07:10,580 --> 00:07:11,796 Okay. 162 00:07:11,831 --> 00:07:14,232 Oh! Some friend! 163 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:17,652 Hi. Guess what I got us for dinner. 164 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,154 I got us some spare ribs. 165 00:07:20,189 --> 00:07:21,906 Did you find my necklace? 166 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:23,970 No, because I'm still playing detective. 167 00:07:23,994 --> 00:07:25,838 Listen, sweetheart, if you'd like to be my assistant, 168 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,073 how about your going in the bedroom 169 00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:28,874 and slipping on that flimsy negligee I got for you. 170 00:07:28,898 --> 00:07:29,931 Okay, Sherlock, 171 00:07:29,966 --> 00:07:31,644 when you find out who dunnit, you let me know. 172 00:07:31,668 --> 00:07:32,745 I found out who didn't done it. 173 00:07:32,769 --> 00:07:35,103 I phoned everyone in your class and accused them. 174 00:07:35,138 --> 00:07:37,088 You what? 175 00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:39,574 Yes. When I ran out of that, I had to widen the search. 176 00:07:39,610 --> 00:07:41,209 I used this book of mug shots here. 177 00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:43,689 Those aren't mug shots. 178 00:07:43,713 --> 00:07:45,174 That's my high school yearbook. 179 00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,564 Oh, yeah? What about this one? 180 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:47,600 Linda Birchey. 181 00:07:47,634 --> 00:07:49,300 She received the Catharine The Great Award 182 00:07:49,336 --> 00:07:50,301 from the 4-H Club, 183 00:07:50,337 --> 00:07:52,177 was voted "loosest and most likely to succeed." 184 00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:55,451 Mork, that girl isn't a criminal. 185 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:56,502 She's a cheerleader. 186 00:07:56,526 --> 00:07:59,077 Oh, that explains when she told me to drop dead, 187 00:07:59,112 --> 00:08:00,078 she spelled out: 188 00:08:00,113 --> 00:08:03,181 Give me a "D," give me an "R," give me an "O." 189 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,528 Wait a minute. You talked to her? 190 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:06,996 Oh, yeah. I called everybody in this book. 191 00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,431 And by the way, Molly Berger says hello 192 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:11,155 and she'd like to push your face in a Cuisinart. 193 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:13,502 I can't believe you called all my friends. 194 00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:14,992 I can't believe what they called you. 195 00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,328 Oh, Mork, how could you do this to me? 196 00:08:17,364 --> 00:08:18,513 Do this to you? 197 00:08:18,548 --> 00:08:20,732 I'm the one that had to take the abuse and the threats. 198 00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,078 Threats? Yes, but don't worry. 199 00:08:22,102 --> 00:08:23,729 No one's going to burn down this house as long as I'm alive. 200 00:08:23,753 --> 00:08:25,553 Oh, Mork! 201 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:26,932 Wow! I didn't know we had one of these! 202 00:08:26,956 --> 00:08:27,988 Oh, I forgot. 203 00:08:28,024 --> 00:08:29,852 You haven't seen one of those before, have you? 204 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:30,708 Are you kidding? I know how to use this. 205 00:08:30,743 --> 00:08:31,854 Watch this, mama. 206 00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:35,313 Meadowlark, check this action. 207 00:08:35,348 --> 00:08:37,308 I'm goin' in for a slam dunk. Ta-da! 208 00:08:38,801 --> 00:08:43,137 Oh, no, I didn't know it was with litter. 209 00:08:44,241 --> 00:08:45,706 That was our dessert. 210 00:08:45,742 --> 00:08:47,224 Oh, heavy melon-choly. 211 00:08:49,713 --> 00:08:52,630 No, it might be the Fruit Police! 212 00:08:52,665 --> 00:08:53,993 Don't worry. I'll answer the door. 213 00:08:54,017 --> 00:08:55,378 We have to be cautious about this. 214 00:08:59,422 --> 00:09:02,406 Are you expecting a zipper? 215 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,326 You have some nerve, McConnell. 216 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,562 She's also got a great set of frontal lobes, too. 217 00:09:12,586 --> 00:09:16,687 I can't work with all this noise. 218 00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:17,688 Sorry about that. 219 00:09:17,724 --> 00:09:19,401 That won't happen again, will it, Wilt? 220 00:09:19,425 --> 00:09:20,736 Not until we grow another ball. 221 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:21,959 It better not. 222 00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:25,830 I've been stuck on the same verse for hours. 223 00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,059 Why didn't you come to me for help? 224 00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,194 Listen, what are neighbors for? 225 00:09:28,218 --> 00:09:29,117 I was tops in my poetry class. 226 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,134 Listen to this. 227 00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:31,664 There was a young fweeble from glerm, 228 00:09:31,688 --> 00:09:33,232 whose foboes were stuck in her blerm. 229 00:09:33,256 --> 00:09:35,367 As she plimmeled her quaft and said with a twaft... 230 00:09:35,391 --> 00:09:36,825 Excuse me. 231 00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:45,133 That's good. 232 00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,968 It's filthy, but it's good. 233 00:09:47,003 --> 00:09:48,736 I knew you'd like it. 234 00:09:48,771 --> 00:09:49,621 Hey, that's an idea. 235 00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,155 I'll change my verse to a limerick. 236 00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:52,273 Gee, thanks. 237 00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:55,593 Thanks a lot. That's terrific. Thank you. 238 00:09:55,628 --> 00:09:57,829 And no more noise up here! 239 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,812 And now I've got to decide whether to move to another city 240 00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:05,570 or apologize personally to my entire graduating class. 241 00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:06,437 I'm sorry, Mindy. 242 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,250 I was just trying to solve the case. 243 00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:10,285 Oh, I know, Mork. Your heart was in the right place. 244 00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:11,342 Yeah, it's still there. 245 00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,055 Hey, wait a minute, the ribs are gone. 246 00:10:13,079 --> 00:10:14,945 No, if they were gone, I couldn't breathe. 247 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,080 I'd just blow up like... 248 00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,159 No, no. 249 00:10:17,183 --> 00:10:18,627 They were here a minute ago and now they're gone. 250 00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:20,211 All right, then let me retrace my steps. 251 00:10:23,122 --> 00:10:24,105 I was right here. 252 00:10:24,141 --> 00:10:25,390 And Bickley was right here 253 00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,269 and now Bickley and the ribs are gone. 254 00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:28,804 Well, who'd want to steal Bickley? 255 00:10:28,828 --> 00:10:32,664 No, Mork, Bickley stole the ribs. 256 00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:34,176 Why would he want to do that? 257 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,267 I don't know. 258 00:10:36,302 --> 00:10:38,419 But he was at the party last night, too. 259 00:10:38,454 --> 00:10:40,299 Aha. And he had access to your pork. 260 00:10:40,323 --> 00:10:42,323 I don't understand it, 261 00:10:42,358 --> 00:10:43,574 but he must have done it. 262 00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,654 All right, let's put the clues together. 263 00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:46,627 First the necklace. 264 00:10:46,663 --> 00:10:48,012 Now Grand Theft, pork. 265 00:10:48,047 --> 00:10:51,816 That proves he's not Kosher. All right. 266 00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:52,961 Shazbot! What? 267 00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,363 He stole my Orkan Age Machine. 268 00:10:54,387 --> 00:10:56,153 Oh, no, that could be terrible. 269 00:10:56,188 --> 00:10:57,855 He doesn't know what he has. 270 00:11:05,815 --> 00:11:08,049 And if he starts pressing those buttons... 271 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,483 Oh, it's okay, Mork. 272 00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:28,720 He's gotta press another button soon... I hope. 273 00:11:32,659 --> 00:11:33,958 Whew. I'm back. 274 00:11:33,993 --> 00:11:37,473 I'm glad he didn't keep me there too long, 275 00:11:37,497 --> 00:11:39,977 because at that age I wasn't housebroken. 276 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,133 He must've taken your Age Machine 277 00:11:42,168 --> 00:11:43,902 because he thought it was a calculator. 278 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,364 Yeah, I just hope he doesn't try 279 00:11:45,388 --> 00:11:46,899 to balance his checkbook tonight, 280 00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:49,035 or I could be doing squats with Sitting Bull. 281 00:11:49,059 --> 00:11:51,592 I just can't believe... 282 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,690 Whew! All right, hon, that was a wonderful TV dinner. 283 00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:54,857 Thanks, not tonight, though, 284 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:57,026 I have a headache. Do you know what I'm talking about? 285 00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:58,193 Tell you what. 286 00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,862 Let's pack the kids in the car, we'll have a martini, 287 00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,031 then we'll go to the PTA meeting. 288 00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:04,071 We'll raise the flag. Oh, no! 289 00:12:04,107 --> 00:12:06,541 Oh-oh, I can't believe what he's doing. 290 00:12:06,576 --> 00:12:08,343 He set it for "Middle-Age". 291 00:12:08,378 --> 00:12:10,945 I didn't even know I had an attachment for "Middle America". 292 00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,758 We'd better stop him before he sets it for "Old Age" 293 00:12:12,782 --> 00:12:13,664 or even worse, "Cadaver." 294 00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:15,833 "Cadaver"? You mean, like in corpse? 295 00:12:15,869 --> 00:12:17,246 Oh, yeah, you should try it sometime. 296 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,236 You always said you wanted 297 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:19,682 to see if your nails could be longer. 298 00:12:19,706 --> 00:12:21,105 This is serious. 299 00:12:21,140 --> 00:12:24,075 Maybe Mr. Bickley has kleptomania. 300 00:12:24,110 --> 00:12:25,610 What's that? 301 00:12:25,645 --> 00:12:26,872 Well, a kleptomaniac is a person 302 00:12:26,896 --> 00:12:27,923 that steals compulsively. 303 00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:31,065 Oh, like politicians. 304 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,344 Hey, Betty Lou, come on. 305 00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:36,303 Let's go down to the lake and listen to my voice change. 306 00:12:36,339 --> 00:12:37,783 Come on. Let's go... 307 00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:40,441 Look cooties, cooties! 308 00:12:40,476 --> 00:12:41,637 Da-da-da-da-da! 309 00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:44,181 Nyah-nyah-yah nyah-nyah-yah! 310 00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:47,743 Whoa! He must be doing long division now! 311 00:12:47,767 --> 00:12:49,945 We've got to stop him before he does square roots 312 00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:52,553 and sends me all the way back along my evolutionary track. 313 00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:54,483 You mean, all the way back to the ape? 314 00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,268 Oh, no. You see, on Ork there were no apes. 315 00:12:56,292 --> 00:12:58,326 We evolved from... 316 00:13:29,425 --> 00:13:31,326 Mork! Is that you? 317 00:13:36,967 --> 00:13:38,699 Does this live here? 318 00:13:38,735 --> 00:13:40,652 Uh... yes, he does, Officer. 319 00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:41,853 His name is Mork. 320 00:13:41,888 --> 00:13:44,872 Mork? I thought it was Henny Penny. 321 00:13:44,908 --> 00:13:46,585 I found him acting like a chicken 322 00:13:46,609 --> 00:13:49,059 and running back and forth across the highway. 323 00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,496 Mork, why were you crossing the road? 324 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,114 I think I was evolving a joke. 325 00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:58,219 I had this strange urge to get to the other side. 326 00:13:58,254 --> 00:14:00,305 He didn't do anything wrong, did he? 327 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:02,084 We almost took him in on a 602: 328 00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,108 Pecking an Officer. 329 00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,943 Yeah, my nose is killing me. 330 00:14:05,979 --> 00:14:08,713 What, uh, happened to your clothes? 331 00:14:08,748 --> 00:14:09,880 I was molting. 332 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:10,864 That's why... 333 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,995 that's why I put that bag on him. 334 00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:14,497 Well, thanks for bringing him home. 335 00:14:14,521 --> 00:14:18,005 Is this some kind of fraternity prank? 336 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:19,251 No, I'm just weird. 337 00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,608 Yeah! 338 00:14:20,643 --> 00:14:23,243 That's what it is. It's a fraternity prank. 339 00:14:23,279 --> 00:14:25,212 Shake the officer's hand, Mork. 340 00:14:25,248 --> 00:14:27,214 Nanu-nanu. 341 00:14:27,250 --> 00:14:31,335 Oh! Sigma-Delta-Phi! 342 00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,514 I'm Alpha-Nu. 343 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,538 You know... Iggy-diggy. 344 00:14:36,042 --> 00:14:37,820 See you around the campus, buddy. 345 00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:43,497 My kind of guy. 346 00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,550 Are you all right? 347 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,044 Yeah, now I am. But he sent me 348 00:14:46,068 --> 00:14:47,379 all the way back to cave-chicken. 349 00:14:47,403 --> 00:14:48,981 It was really a drag... Building fires, 350 00:14:49,005 --> 00:14:50,649 trying to hatch everything I could find. 351 00:14:50,673 --> 00:14:51,951 You didn't have a baby in the last half hour, did you? 352 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,259 No, I don't think so. Phew! I'm glad 353 00:14:54,294 --> 00:14:56,438 I didn't do that fertility dance barefooted, then. 354 00:14:56,462 --> 00:14:57,678 What's in the bag? 355 00:14:57,713 --> 00:14:59,775 Oh, the usual... seeds, corn... 356 00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:00,859 one egg I tried to hatch. 357 00:15:00,883 --> 00:15:01,994 Phew! What a drag that was. 358 00:15:02,018 --> 00:15:03,462 And this... this came off a woman 359 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:04,863 I was dragging to build a nest. 360 00:15:04,887 --> 00:15:06,382 The good parts got away, though. 361 00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,306 Well, at least you're back to normal now. 362 00:15:08,341 --> 00:15:10,086 Yeah, but that's just for the moment. 363 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,438 Who knows? If he starts using that machine again, 364 00:15:12,462 --> 00:15:16,364 I could be a gleam in some Cro-Magnon rooster's eye. 365 00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,261 Well, Mork, the only way to handle the situation is 366 00:15:18,285 --> 00:15:19,929 we're just going to have to confront Bickley, 367 00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,364 and tell him to give us our stuff back. 368 00:15:21,388 --> 00:15:22,798 You're right. I'm with you, Mama. Let's go. 369 00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,032 We're going to make that rat squeal. 370 00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:25,601 We're gonna make him let the cat out of the bag 371 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:27,536 and let the beans fall now! Come on, let's go! Let's go. 372 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:29,427 Hey, don't you think you ought to change first? 373 00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:30,573 I guess you're right. 374 00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:31,837 It's kind of hard to look macho 375 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:32,984 in a green plastic dress. 376 00:15:39,472 --> 00:15:41,317 Come on, Mr. Bickley, open up. 377 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:43,181 Yoo-hoo, sticky fingers! 378 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,763 It's all right. He's not here. 379 00:15:48,798 --> 00:15:49,864 Let's go. Come on. 380 00:15:49,899 --> 00:15:51,410 We'd better not. Come on, Mindy. 381 00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,133 We've got to get that Age Machine back. 382 00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,581 Yeah, but Mork, it's against the law to go into somebody's apartment 383 00:15:55,605 --> 00:15:57,483 when they're not home, even if the door is unlocked. 384 00:15:57,507 --> 00:15:59,568 Oh, can you honestly say that, since Watergate? Let's go. 385 00:15:59,592 --> 00:16:00,836 Yeah, but we could get 386 00:16:00,860 --> 00:16:01,926 in trouble! 387 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,628 No, come on! 388 00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:07,564 Look, Bickley's working on a new greeting card. 389 00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,133 Let's see this... 390 00:16:09,168 --> 00:16:10,846 "To a brave and fearless hunter, 391 00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:12,302 "whose face is really red. 392 00:16:12,338 --> 00:16:14,116 "You thought you winged a turkey, 393 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,985 but it was your brother's head." 394 00:16:16,009 --> 00:16:19,060 Boy, he's got one for every occasion. 395 00:16:19,095 --> 00:16:20,928 Look, here's your Age Machine. 396 00:16:20,963 --> 00:16:23,275 Ah! Let's see if it's still working. 397 00:16:23,299 --> 00:16:24,843 I'll set it for "One Second Ago." 398 00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:26,645 I'll set it for "One Second Ago." 399 00:16:26,669 --> 00:16:28,481 I'll set it for "One Second Ago." 400 00:16:28,505 --> 00:16:30,282 Thank you, thank you, 401 00:16:30,306 --> 00:16:31,805 thank you, thank you... Ah! 402 00:16:31,841 --> 00:16:33,808 That thing is dangerous. 403 00:16:33,843 --> 00:16:34,909 Look! 404 00:16:34,944 --> 00:16:36,143 There's my Mindy necklace. 405 00:16:36,179 --> 00:16:38,357 Ha! All the evidence is in. 406 00:16:38,381 --> 00:16:39,780 Necklace... 407 00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:41,749 meat... and this... 408 00:16:41,784 --> 00:16:43,134 Obviously, we're dealing with 409 00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:46,353 a carnivorous transvestite with an age hang-up. 410 00:16:46,389 --> 00:16:48,868 ♪ "M" is for the million things she gave me ♪ 411 00:16:48,892 --> 00:16:51,236 He's coming! ♪ "O" means only that she's growing old... ♪ 412 00:16:51,260 --> 00:16:52,838 What do we do? Mallard! Mallard! 413 00:16:52,862 --> 00:16:54,328 What? Duck! 414 00:16:54,363 --> 00:16:58,165 ♪ "R" means right ♪ 415 00:16:58,201 --> 00:17:01,002 ♪ And right means ever true ♪ 416 00:17:01,037 --> 00:17:05,806 ♪ Put them all together, they spell "Mother" ♪ 417 00:17:05,841 --> 00:17:10,177 ♪ And that's what I will always be to you. ♪ 418 00:17:10,212 --> 00:17:12,079 Come on, sing along. 419 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,215 You can do it. Come on. 420 00:17:14,250 --> 00:17:17,684 ♪ "M" is for the million things she gave... ♪ 421 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,419 Uh-oh. 422 00:17:19,455 --> 00:17:21,889 Running a little low. 423 00:17:21,924 --> 00:17:25,659 I'd better get back to the old friendly skies. 424 00:17:25,694 --> 00:17:28,028 I've got a surprise for you. 425 00:17:28,064 --> 00:17:31,165 That's why I made you wear a blindfold 426 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,100 in the Doggie Department. 427 00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:36,203 Look, isn't it cute? 428 00:17:36,239 --> 00:17:38,338 Your own little fire hydrant. 429 00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:41,642 With your own little magazine rack. 430 00:17:41,677 --> 00:17:44,606 Oh, and here's a treat to make your teeth grow in 431 00:17:44,630 --> 00:17:48,249 big and strong... and sharp. 432 00:17:48,284 --> 00:17:52,636 Make the mailman earn that last raise we had to give him. 433 00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,638 Oh, woodgie-woodgie! 434 00:17:54,674 --> 00:17:59,142 Oh! Bicky, you and I are so much alike, 435 00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:02,479 except for the hair and the ears and the tail... 436 00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,448 and the fleas. 437 00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:07,884 Hope I didn't give you any. 438 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,621 You're the only true friend I have. 439 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,322 You know... 440 00:18:12,358 --> 00:18:15,993 I sometimes feel you're like a son to me... 441 00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:20,464 a sweet little boy. 442 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:25,035 I-I wonder, if you could talk, what you would say to me. 443 00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,671 You're a thief, Pop... 444 00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:34,762 Well, that hurts, Bicky. 445 00:18:34,797 --> 00:18:37,532 That rea... Wait a minute. 446 00:18:37,567 --> 00:18:39,200 Dogs can't talk. 447 00:18:39,235 --> 00:18:41,496 There must be another animal in here! 448 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:42,798 Come on out! Come on! 449 00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:44,288 Hi! 450 00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:45,634 No shoot, G.I., no shoot. 451 00:18:45,658 --> 00:18:47,819 Hey, what are you two doing here? 452 00:18:47,843 --> 00:18:49,076 Uh... 453 00:18:49,111 --> 00:18:50,822 Hey, this is trespassing. 454 00:18:50,846 --> 00:18:51,912 Well, uh... 455 00:18:51,947 --> 00:18:53,208 You're breaking and entering. 456 00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:55,216 You're thieves! Burglars! 457 00:18:55,251 --> 00:18:57,429 Oh, no, it's not like that. See... 458 00:18:57,453 --> 00:18:58,864 Well, I'm sure there is 459 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:00,699 a very reasonable explanation 460 00:19:00,723 --> 00:19:02,434 why you are in my apartment. 461 00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,224 All right, let's hear it. 462 00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:05,793 Yes. 463 00:19:05,828 --> 00:19:08,507 As a matter of fact, there is a reason why we're in your apartment. 464 00:19:08,531 --> 00:19:10,926 We came here to get the stuff back that you stole from us. 465 00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,734 Prove it. 466 00:19:13,769 --> 00:19:16,303 Do you think I'd take the word of a couple of burglars? 467 00:19:16,338 --> 00:19:17,772 Aw, come on, Bickley. 468 00:19:17,807 --> 00:19:20,808 Cut the canine residue, and let's get to it. 469 00:19:20,843 --> 00:19:22,426 Why'd you do it? 470 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,296 You're so fond of those stupid party games. 471 00:19:25,331 --> 00:19:26,663 Why don't you guess? 472 00:19:26,699 --> 00:19:27,748 All right. 473 00:19:27,783 --> 00:19:29,383 You're a kleptomaniac. 474 00:19:29,419 --> 00:19:30,701 Wrong! 475 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,703 Want some dip? 476 00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:34,271 Oh, thank you. 477 00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,605 You did it for the money? 478 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,891 No! 479 00:19:37,927 --> 00:19:39,910 Want a cocktail weenie? 480 00:19:42,081 --> 00:19:44,782 How do you get money for fencing pork ribs? 481 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:46,717 I've got it! You horrible man! 482 00:19:46,752 --> 00:19:48,652 You're building a Frankenpig. 483 00:19:50,256 --> 00:19:51,538 Not even close. 484 00:19:51,574 --> 00:19:53,507 You want a soft drink? 485 00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:54,775 Oh, thank you. 486 00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:57,394 Don't thank me. They're yours. 487 00:19:57,429 --> 00:19:59,379 Oh, for a thief, you're awfully gracious. 488 00:19:59,415 --> 00:20:02,032 Thank you. Anyone want to dance? 489 00:20:02,067 --> 00:20:04,685 Mr. Bickley, this is not a party. 490 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:08,288 Well, not with everybody standing around like this. 491 00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,786 Mr. Bickley, did you take our things 492 00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:14,139 so that we'd come down here to talk to you? 493 00:20:14,163 --> 00:20:17,014 Hogwash! Why would I want to see you? 494 00:20:17,049 --> 00:20:18,977 You didn't invite me to your party. 495 00:20:19,001 --> 00:20:22,002 Whoa, you mean you really wanted to come? 496 00:20:22,037 --> 00:20:26,240 I would have gladly slipped a disc to play that stupid game. 497 00:20:26,275 --> 00:20:30,377 As it was, I had to come down here and play it with Bicky. 498 00:20:30,413 --> 00:20:33,029 You really love that ball of fur we gave you, don't you? 499 00:20:33,065 --> 00:20:35,427 My wife and I tried for years, 500 00:20:35,451 --> 00:20:38,352 but we couldn't have one of our own. 501 00:20:38,387 --> 00:20:41,488 Ooh, heavy sigh. A dogless couple. 502 00:20:43,091 --> 00:20:44,720 I didn't know you were married. 503 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:47,695 I lost her in 1966. 504 00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,564 Oh! Oh, I'm sorry. 505 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:52,800 Every night I pray... 506 00:20:52,835 --> 00:20:55,819 the old bat doesn't find me. 507 00:20:57,222 --> 00:21:00,591 She didn't like me, either. 508 00:21:00,626 --> 00:21:01,892 You know, Mr. Bickley, 509 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,061 to have friends, you've got to be nice, too. 510 00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,646 There's always a price. 511 00:21:05,681 --> 00:21:07,848 That's what I like about Bicky. 512 00:21:07,883 --> 00:21:11,152 I don't have to do anything to make him like me. 513 00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:12,720 Oh, now, wait a minute. 514 00:21:12,755 --> 00:21:13,999 I see you walking him all the time. 515 00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,867 Yeah, and I see you feeding him and talking to him 516 00:21:15,891 --> 00:21:17,670 and scooping up after him. That's a lot of work. 517 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,510 Well, it's worth it. 518 00:21:19,545 --> 00:21:23,113 He's never said an unkind word to me. 519 00:21:23,149 --> 00:21:25,778 Well, what the point is, is that it's not that hard to be nice. 520 00:21:25,802 --> 00:21:28,069 Yeah, and it was a lot of work to steal all this stuff 521 00:21:28,104 --> 00:21:29,686 just so we'd come down and visit you. 522 00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:32,923 Stealing wasn't all that much work, 523 00:21:32,959 --> 00:21:36,860 especially when it's from someone you really care about. 524 00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:38,595 Oh, Mr. Bickley, 525 00:21:38,631 --> 00:21:41,098 I'm sorry you think we slighted you. 526 00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,449 There. 527 00:21:42,485 --> 00:21:43,784 Listen, from now on, 528 00:21:43,819 --> 00:21:45,703 we're going to be the best of friends, okay? 529 00:21:45,738 --> 00:21:47,616 Yeah, and if we ever find anything missing again, 530 00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:48,950 I promise we'll come to you first. 531 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:52,092 Aw, that's really nice. 532 00:21:54,931 --> 00:21:56,513 Look... 533 00:21:56,548 --> 00:21:59,633 I'm not used to this sentimental garbage. 534 00:21:59,669 --> 00:22:01,914 I'll have to take a little of this swill at a time. 535 00:22:01,938 --> 00:22:03,548 Come on, get out of here, you guys. 536 00:22:03,572 --> 00:22:06,023 Come on. Hit the road. 537 00:22:06,058 --> 00:22:08,058 That's it. Come on! 538 00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,445 Vamoose, amscray. 539 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,548 That's it for the night. Come on. 540 00:22:14,583 --> 00:22:15,766 We want to be alone. 541 00:22:15,801 --> 00:22:17,567 And if you find anything of yours missing, 542 00:22:17,603 --> 00:22:19,569 come by our place and come look for it, okay? 543 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:22,839 Around dinner time. 544 00:22:22,875 --> 00:22:26,977 And don't play that stolen radio all night! 545 00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:29,263 Some watchdog you are! 546 00:22:29,298 --> 00:22:32,816 Come on, you want to have a party? 547 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:42,059 Mork calling Orson... 548 00:22:42,094 --> 00:22:43,977 come in, Orson... 549 00:22:44,012 --> 00:22:46,247 Mork calling Orson... 550 00:22:46,282 --> 00:22:48,315 come in, Orson. 551 00:22:51,421 --> 00:22:52,853 Mork calling Orson. 552 00:22:54,023 --> 00:22:56,090 Mork calling Orson. 553 00:23:05,183 --> 00:23:06,344 Everything all right, Orson? 554 00:23:06,368 --> 00:23:08,447 Yes, this better be good, Mork. 555 00:23:08,471 --> 00:23:10,465 You got me out of the shower. 556 00:23:10,489 --> 00:23:13,640 Oh, please don't shake yourself dry this time, Your Immenseness. 557 00:23:13,676 --> 00:23:15,220 Last time, it rained for weeks. 558 00:23:15,244 --> 00:23:18,011 Get on with it, Mork, while I look for a towel. 559 00:23:18,047 --> 00:23:19,180 Oh, don't tarry, sir. 560 00:23:20,283 --> 00:23:21,560 The report, Mork! 561 00:23:21,584 --> 00:23:23,295 Sir! This week, I discovered 562 00:23:23,319 --> 00:23:26,119 a terrible Earth disease called "loneliness." 563 00:23:26,155 --> 00:23:28,734 Do many people on Earth suffer from this illness? 564 00:23:28,758 --> 00:23:30,401 Oh, yes, sir. And how they suffer! 565 00:23:30,425 --> 00:23:31,937 One man I know suffers so much, 566 00:23:31,961 --> 00:23:34,461 that he has to take a medication called "bourbon." 567 00:23:34,496 --> 00:23:36,124 Even that doesn't help very much, 568 00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,988 because he can hear paint dry. 569 00:23:39,101 --> 00:23:40,412 Does bed rest help? 570 00:23:40,436 --> 00:23:42,280 No, because I've heard that sleeping alone 571 00:23:42,304 --> 00:23:43,348 is part of the problem. 572 00:23:43,372 --> 00:23:44,505 You see, Orson, 573 00:23:44,557 --> 00:23:46,334 loneliness is a disease of the spirit. 574 00:23:46,358 --> 00:23:49,159 And people who have it think that no one cares about them. 575 00:23:49,194 --> 00:23:51,039 Do you have any idea why? 576 00:23:51,063 --> 00:23:53,180 Yes, sir. You can count on me. 577 00:23:53,215 --> 00:23:54,459 You see, when children are young, 578 00:23:54,483 --> 00:23:55,927 they're told not to talk to strangers. 579 00:23:55,951 --> 00:23:57,512 And when they go to school, they're told 580 00:23:57,536 --> 00:23:58,997 not to talk to the person next to them. 581 00:23:59,021 --> 00:24:00,632 And finally, when they get to be very old, 582 00:24:00,656 --> 00:24:02,117 they're told not to talk to themselves. 583 00:24:02,141 --> 00:24:03,107 Who's left? 584 00:24:03,142 --> 00:24:04,485 Are you saying that Earthlings 585 00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:05,721 make each other lonely? 586 00:24:05,745 --> 00:24:07,388 No, sir, I'm saying just the opposite... 587 00:24:07,412 --> 00:24:08,957 That they make themselves lonely. 588 00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,875 They're so busy looking out for number one, 589 00:24:10,899 --> 00:24:12,193 they don't have room for two. 590 00:24:12,217 --> 00:24:13,845 It's too bad everybody down there 591 00:24:13,869 --> 00:24:15,613 can't get together and find a cure. 592 00:24:15,637 --> 00:24:17,165 Well, here's the paradox, sir. 593 00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:18,850 Because if they did get together, 594 00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:20,474 they wouldn't need one. 595 00:24:20,509 --> 00:24:21,808 Isn't that Zenlike? 596 00:24:21,843 --> 00:24:23,243 One hand clapping... 597 00:24:23,279 --> 00:24:25,345 Until next week... nanu-nanu.